Shred Doc #2: McQuest

One man's journey for delicious and totally nutritious (they're all lying to you!) food.

The next step, a new chapter and other over-dramatic and clichéd titles

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But I'm going to find out.

An open farewell to 2009

Dear 2009,

First of all, stop calling. Seriously. It's not funny or cute. It's bordering on creepy. Especially when you leave those voicemails that are just three minutes of your heavy breathing. And those texts? Look, I don't want to show everyone this but I feel it necessary to get the point across.

You see? That's just embarrassing. And I can't believe you entered your name as "2009 In Da Hizzouse!" It's the new sonofabitchin' decade, 2009. Get with it. Also, you're a total bro. Dial it down a bit.

[Full letter after the jump]

New demo song: False Midas

Here's a rough demo of a little something I whipped up over Christmas.  Enjoy!


PS- The first few seconds are a little quiet.

Machine gun haiku action

I'm feeling deep. Deep like a stereotypical lotus flower painting. Deep like the combination of berets and bongos. Deep like the kind of deep you feel when you stare at Autumn leaves for seven hours, pondering just exactly what life is all about when you finally realize "why the hell am I staring at leaves when I could be rocking out?" because clearly, and maybe the Autumn leaves actually sparked this revelation in the first place, rocking out is what life is all about.


Phew.

Anyway, for the next undetermined amount of time, I'm going to write a haiku about whatever pops into my head. For those not in the know, a haiku is a poem with 17 total syllables- five in the first line, seven in the second and five in the third. So, without further adieu...

It's haiku time, punks.

Shred Doc #1: Snow Is Cool

OH. EM. GEE. The Shred's first video post! , tons and tons of snow was dumped on my little hometown over Christmas and my sister and I took the opportunity to make much merry. I love making videos so stay tuned for more!





Also, now that the holidays are winding down, The Shred will resume its regularly 
scheduled posts. Some cool stuff is on the way!


PS- Youtube compression sucks.

The soundtrack to a head bangin' Christmas

Every Christmas, my siblings and I make Christmas cards for each member of my family. It’s a wonderful, heartwarming and adorable traditional. There’s only one problem. Each year, one of us inevitably drops the ball. Three of us will come to the table on Christmas Eve with our hard work in hand and the black sheep of the evening will either A) come empty handed or B) have a handful of cloned evergreen cutouts with “Merry Christmas” hastily scribbled on them with Sharpie. There’s no punishment except, you know, the horrible guilt that haunts them for not loving their family.

Well, after arriving home a couple days before Christmas 2005, my brother Christian and I realized that we’d both probably scrub out and not make cards cards just couldn’t express the amount of Christmas joy we possessed in our hearts. So, in a moment of divine/probably-a-little-satanic intervention, my brother and I composed a fitting tribute to the season. We chose one of our favorite Christmas songs, O Come O Come Emmanuel, and injected it with some country twang.

Shyeah! As if!

And lo, the angel of metal came before Christian and I, and the glory of metal shone ‘round us and we were not afraid at all because this song was going to kick ass. And the angel said unto us, “Wait, if you’re parodying the Bible verse, aren’t you two supposed to be afraid of my splendor?” And we answered, “We are not afraid. Now get the hell out of our house before we call the cops.” The angel responded, “Whoa, we’re all cool here. Everything is cool. Could I maybe just like, I don’t know, hang out for a little bit? I don’t think the bus back to heaven comes for another 45 minutes.” Christian and I, being benevolent men, allowed this.

Anyway, we put our metal brains together and created a piece of Christmas cheer that has the power to make even the stiffest of necks bang. It’s starts off slowly, following the normal melody for the most part, but just wait until the second half kicks in. Hello over-indulgent soloing and the single most awesome tapping section ever recorded (it’s at 1:55 and seriously, it’s mind-bogglingly ridiculous).

So, my Shredders, I give you…

Emmaneu-Metal


It’s like Trans-Siberian Orchestra only less cheesy and cheesier at the same time. 
Download Emmaneu-Metal and officially make Christmas bad ass.